The Birth Story Of Vivian Louise

44 Shares

The Birth Story Of Vivian Louise. Sharing all the real and raw details of the birth of my third baby, and my third home birth!

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

I’ve now had three very different births. All as unique and special as my children. After weeks of pre-term and prodromal labor and excruciating pelvic pain I was so ready for baby to arrive.

What I wasn’t prepared for was how different this birth could be from either of my other two. I had to wrestle with let down expectations during this labor and come to the realization that “this wouldn’t kill me”, as strange as that sounds.

As with both of my other births, this one changed me deeply and fundamentally as a woman.

The Birth Story Of Vivian Louise

I knew it was the night.

My body felt ready.

Like a racehorse waiting at the gate. That was the picture that kept coming to mind during that evening as we got the other kids ready for bed.

Not really too many contractions, but it ached and cramped like a period. My uterus seemed ready to go.

Of course, I had been having contractions for weeks, being one of those women who has a lot of prodromal labor. But this was much different.

10pm

Luke and I headed to bed even though I felt in my body that I’d be up again soon. I knew rest was important, having been through this before. This wasn’t my first rodeo 😉

I didn’t really let on to Luke though that anything was up because I knew he’d get too excited to sleep. I needed him to be there to help me later.

12pm

Around midnight I started to notice the crampy feeling move into strong contractions.

I was in sort of a half-asleep dreamy state. I would notice contractions, and I even noticed what time it was, but I could still sleep for the most part. As it got further along I’d just focus more on relaxing through the waves and loosening my lips. For some reason that was something that it helped for focus on, was relaxing my face muscles and lips.

2:30am

For hours I had been able to stay in this partially asleep, but very crampy state. But then suddenly I woke up and shot out of bed because I felt my waters release. I was pouring amniotic fluid all over our bed and I wanted to get off it as fast as possible!

I knew that now that my waters were broken that contractions would very likely pick up fast and get very intense. So it was time to wake up Luke.

They definitely intensified after that!

I went to the bathroom and had to clear out. But it was uncomfortable having contractions on the toilet so I kept going back to the living room. Only to realize I had more to clear out.

During all that walking back and forth they kept getting stronger and stronger. I’d have to stop and hold on to something when a wave would hit.

I texted my midwife and told her my water had broken and that my contractions were only about 3 minutes apart and 60 seconds long. She asked if I’d like her to head this way or if we wanted her to wait. I was feeling like this was going fast so I asked her to come. I was so glad I did with how it all unfolded! Having a respectful hands-off midwife is everything!

3:10am

I was out in the living room by this time and Luke rubbed clary sage essential oil on my lower back.

Its crazy how you remember smells when you are deep in labor land. I used clary sage with my second birth as well and the memory of the smell was deep in my mind. As soon as Luke put it on and I smelled it, it instantly brought me even deeper into laboring. It brought back all kinds of primal sensations and feelings from my last labor. I can’t even quite put it into words. It’s just something you know.

Luke was having to help hold my upper body up during my contractions. It felt better to be standing, but also to relax my back and stomach. So I was leaning over towards him and he was holding up my torso.

I was starting to feel my body bear down and like I needed to go poo a little bit. So I checked myself.

There was baby’s head less than 2 inches from coming out. It felt like déjà vu. It seemed to be unfolding uncannily like my son’s super fast precipitous labor.

But from there, that was the last point that it felt similar.

3:40am

I heard Sandhano drive up the driveway. I heard a car door. And then our front door opening. I felt so relieved. I was starting to wonder why it was taking so long. Baby’s head hadn’t moved at all and I had put an expectation on this labor that it would be just like my son’s. That there would only be 30 minutes of pushing.

After Sandhano got all her supplies set up I had her check me. Even though I knew baby was so close, I wanted her to tell me what was holding baby up.

She discovered I had a slight cervical lip, so she asked and I gave her permission to move it out of the way. Instantly regretting it, because man, it hurt! But then glad it was done, and I was hopeful that baby would be out in only a few pushes now!

The pain was overwhelming at this point. During contractions I was quiet, because I knew if I lost control and started screaming, I wouldn’t be able to get control back. And that thought scared me more than the pain.

I was writhing and grasping for a handhold. At this point Luke had put his knee up on the coffee table and I had my right shoulder leaned over it. Much easier for him to do for a long period of time than holding me up with his arms! I always give the poor man a workout during my labors 😉 haha

4:40am

Here we were. Another hour into pushing. And baby’s head was still in the exact same spot. I was starting to feel frustrated and confused. Why wasn’t baby just coming out? The head was just RIGHT THERE!

That was one huge reason that I was so glad Sandhano was there this time. I feel like I would have gotten scared by myself, wondering if something was wrong. But she was just there, standing back, with her calm presence, letting me know that everything was safe.

She had been suggesting different positions to try, because she suspected that baby just needed room to turn slightly and then they’d be out. So I had tried laying on my side on the couch for a couple pushes, sitting on the birth stool, standing, squatting, on my knees.

At this point she asked if I thought a warm bath sounded nice, and I did. So she started working on filling our bathtub. It was heavenly warm on my legs and arms as I got in. I sat there on my knees, leaned over Luke’s leg still, while he poured cup after cup of water on my back. At some point he stopped and I gasped for him to keep going, it just helped so much.

My contractions actually slowed down in the water slightly. They had been 60 seconds long and 60 seconds apart, and in the tub it seemed like I had one big gap of 5 minutes or more without a contraction. Maybe it was what baby needed, for me to have a big enough break to fully relax my muscles.

Then they started coming again. I was still focusing really hard on relaxing my face and lips.

Suddenly, the manta “this won’t kill me” came to my mind. It was at the peak of a contraction, and for some reason the thought seemed shocking. Like I was surprised at the idea. That there I was, in the most pain I’ve ever felt, and it wasn’t killing me. That since I hadn’t died yet from the pain, I could definitely handle the rest of the waves to come. The things you think of in labor are strange.

Baby was still in the same place. Still not moving down like I was expecting. Every time I’d check myself I’d get more frustrated about why it was taking so long.

Sandhano suggested laying back in the tub to possibly move baby into a better position. I laid back, and a contraction started. I shot straight up out of the water. It was just the most horrible sensation! Having to lay on my back during a wave. I could never birth in a hospital bed man, that is just cruel!

So I stayed in my kneeling, leaned-over-Luke’s-leg position, because that was the most comfortable for me. I started having the urge to spread my knees apart though. So I was still kneeling, but my knees were way apart and my heels were right under my bottom.

Sandhano could probably tell it would be any moment at this point. Because she started telling me that if I wanted to have baby born in the water I needed to make absolutely sure I didn’t lift myself up when baby started crowning. If baby came out into air, and then fell into the water that would have been really bad. They breathe in air as soon as they come out, and then would have sucked water in their lungs with the next breath. And as much as I was in sort of a daze at this point, I still somehow understood the importance of this.

5:20am

I felt the ring of fire. I couldn’t believe it. It was both terrifying and relieving at the same time.

It was just the beginning of it. Not the full burning. But I knew that meant baby had finally moved down and was ready to come out.

The next contraction comes, and I give it all I’ve got. And nothing. No ring of fire. I was like “what? are you kidding? did baby move back up again??”

But then, with the next contraction, the ring of fire was back, and I could feel baby’s head coming out. With this entire labor, I had been quiet, with the occasional grunt with extra painful contractions. But with this one, I let out a yell. I hollered and growled this baby out. Growling seems to be instinctual for me in labor if I just let the noises come without worrying what people might think.

5:24am

I felt her head come out as I was yelling and pushing with all my might. I was focusing on keeping my bottom under the water so she wouldn’t breathe in air and then get plunged under the water. Even though I wanted so badly to jump up and run away from the pain.

Then the shoulders came out as the contraction ended and I kept pushing and the rest of baby slid out into the water.

I scooped baby straight up into my arms and started crying. And Luke started crying. I couldn’t believe it was over, baby was here, I could rest now!

I suddenly remembered that we didn’t know if this little babe was a girl or a boy. The whole pregnancy I felt that it was a girl, and pretty much everyone else thought it was a boy.

I pulled baby’s leg aside, and it was a girl! Here was my Vivian Louise. I had been right again. It felt so validating to my instincts as a mother, that with all three of my children, I’ve somehow known what they were while they were still in my belly.

I decided to get out of the tub and move to the bed so I could be more comfortable. Especially since I started feeling some cramping and I wanted to get warmed up in the blankets.

I had Sandhano traction the placenta gently as I pushed, because I really wanted it out. I had tried a few pushes on my own and the cramps were getting really excruciating so I just wanted it to come out. Luke ran and got my afterease tincture to help with the after-pains.

We left Vivian attached to the placenta for like 45 minutes. I love that it’s all up to me when the cord gets cut or anything else happens. By then the blood had all drained out and the cord was whiter and thinner. After that, Sandhano examined the placenta, she said it was perfect and all there, so no need to worry about retained placenta. She mentioned that the one thing she noticed wrong was one of the three blood vessels that go from the placenta into the cord, was exposed right at the base of the cord. Like one came out of the cord and attached to the placenta in it’s own spot. So thankful that that was never an issue, because with one vessel exposed like that, it’s a little higher risk of complication.

Then she took the placenta and put it in the fridge until we could make it into little pills for me to swallow later that day.

Then she weighed Vivian and took all her measurements. She was a teeny little 5lbs 10oz and 18.5in long. Crazy that my smallest baby could be so hard to push out! She put Vivian in her onsie and blankets that I picked out for her. Then Luke got to hold his daughter while Sandhano helped me get to the bathroom. Always such an experience…that first time peeing after birth.

You only know if you’ve experienced it yourself 😉

Thankfully this is my first birth that I didn’t tear with, which has been amazing for recovery!

But in total, my labor was about 5 hours long, and 2 1/2 of those were pushing. It’s amazing to me how vastly different my three births have been, but all perfect in their own ways. They’ve all changed me as a person and a mother.